A Second Chance At Lent

Lent can be tough for Mamas, especially with little ones.  This will be my fourth Lent in a row either pregnant or nursing, and fasting is not a healthy option. (See Dwija for good ideas.) So, on the one hand I don't really feel like I'm participating the way I would like to.  On the other hand, I feel like I already have plenty of mortification of the flesh, what with cleaning dirty diapers and all, that giving up little pleasures is harder.  I already miss my after-bedtime chocolate reward for surviving the day.  Of course, now that I have typed that, I feel like even more of a Lent failure for complaining. Only the third day of Lent, and I'm counting opportunities missed and bemoaning my weakness!  This hardly seems constructive to spiritual growth (although a dose of humility is always good for this overacheiver.)

So here's my plan for making the rest of Lent less of a competition and a checklist:
Goals and commitments, like not eating sweets and trying to stop yelling, are a great way to force yourself to think about Lent every day, to make sacrifice a habit.  Whether you promise to do something or not to do something, they are a great Lenten tool.  They aren't, by themselves, Lent, however.  You can have Lent without any foreordained list.  Lent is a whole season of contemplation, sacrifice, and penance. I personally have to stop thinking about Lent as "that time when I make commitments and give stuff up so I can level up my faith." Instead, I want to approach each day with a Lenten attitude.

I want to have eyes that look for opportunities to sacrifice.  The daily ways we embrace suffering can be just as meaningful as a season-long sacrifice, because they must involve a conscious act of the will. We have to see the choice to mortify our flesh or put others first, and make it for Christ.

I want to have ears to hear what the Spirit wants to tell me.  If I step back from something that takes up my thoughts, I don't want to replace it with more noise.  I want to find the time in my day whenever it may be, to be still.

I want to have a mouth that's more likely to pray than complain, ready to talk it through rather than yell it out,  slow to nag and scold, and quick to build up.

I want a mind focused on Christ and His sacrifice. I want to declutter my thoughts of worry, and not just my house of junk.  I want to think of others first, as a natural result of seeing them as Christ does.

Most of all, I want a contrite heart to offer to the suffering Christ.  This doesn't just mean recognizing my failures and wanting to atone for them. I doesn't only mean realizing that my sins placed
Christ on the cross.  It means wanting to change and being open to the grace that allows me to do so.  It means a heart ready to accept the gift of the cross, even when I know don't deserve it.

Lent is about needing forgiveness, asking for it, and being able to receive it, because of the passion, death, and resurrection of my merciful Lord.

Every day of the rest of Lent, I am going to try to be better, but I also want to be open to the grace of second chances...and third .. and fortieth.

Today is: the feast of Sts. Felicity and Perpetua
Finn is: really happy to be playing with his cousin. " do you know I love you?  I want you to come over every day."
Gigi is: ready to play with the big kids, even if they aren't ready for her.
Mama is about to read: In the Woods by Tans French (unless I chicken out, because it's about murder)