Remember that scene in Little Women where Meg goes to Belle Gardner's wedding and lets the other girls dress her up in a silk ball gown? She knows her parents would disapprove of both the factory silk and the immodest cut, but she silences her conscience for the sake of making the others happy and receiving their attention. She can't resist the twin assault of vanity and the desire to please.
Louisa May Alcott's characters often seem to face a similar dilemma, where they have to choose whether or not they will act foolishly for the sake of silly people and their good opinion. I have to admit, I often find myself empathizing with the characters who make the wrong decision. You see I too want desperately to be liked, appreciated, petted over. Tell me I'm pretty? I'm smitten. You think I'm talented? I'll love you forever. Tell me I'm intelligent? I'd follow you anywhere.
With the desire to be liked and to fit in, comes the temptation to lose who you are, winning the respect of a crowd and losing that of those whose good opinion is worth having. I definitely share Meg's temptation and have given into it too many times.
I realized just how often when I was examining my conscience for my first general confession. I came across a question something like this: "Have I refrained from showing outward signs of my faith out of concern for human respect?" The thought cut like a knife: I could-- and had --refused to acknowledge God simply for the approval of others. I felt it so deeply because I not only got embarrassed crossing myself in public or conveniently "forgot" to say grace if eating out, but also often found it hard to do what was right if it was unpopular with those around me. My vanity and desire to be liked made me a slave to human respect, if I was willing abandon my relationship with Christ, even temporarily and exteriorally, because of what others might think of me.
As I've been meeting and reading about moms with big families lately, I've realized how hard it can be to live in our culture with an openness to life. Living within the Church's teaching on marriage, sex, and family makes you very counter cultural. You receive stares, comments, and even open hostility from people who think you are a stupid breeding machine, a nutcase, a waste of space and resources, or a bad parent. Whether they have families of 13 or 3, by choosing God's timing rather than their own these women have to face the loss of human respect for following their conscience.
When I think about the future children God may bless us with, I can get nervous about what people will say. I fear the jokes, the looks, and the pity. It's silly, but that is one of my biggest worries about more children. Yet I know in my heart that God will take care of these worries. I will have to sacrifice the respect of some people who think differently. I will get hurt or frustrated by comments from others. But I also will have peace from God when I follow His Will and commit myself and my family into His hands.
Today is: the feast of St. Raymond Penafort
Finn is: a pirate
Gigi is: a mama's girl
Mama just finished reading: Burial Rights by Hannah Kent
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