Little Eyes, Little Ears, and Little Mirrors

It's hard for anyone to really know you until they've spent 24 hours with you, until they've lived with you and seen you sleepy, cranky, sad, and angry.  Someone who's done that can be a pretty good witness to what sort of a person you are.  Having children, especially for stay at home moms, means having a constant (we're talking 24/7/365) observer of your habits, virtues, and vice. This can be quite the revealing experience.

Sometimes it's heartwarming: they remind you to pray or call your spouse "Sweetie." Sometimes it's hilarious, like when they pretend to drink a "tappa-cheen-oh" or when they use their mega blocks as a telephone to talk to Grandma.

But other times, it can be rough to see what our little spectators imitate.  Like when I hear a crash of blocks and a loud "dang it!". Oops, I guess mama should watch her language (Finn thinks "dang it" has something to do with loud noises, like bang does.  He spent the rest of the day hitting stuff saying "dang dang-er banger" trying to circumvent Mama's language rule).

My husband told me a very convicting little account:  Finn was pretending to rock a stuffed bunny to sleep in his rocking chair.  After a while, he stopped and asked the bunny, "What's your problem?" He later explained that the bunny wouldn't go to sleep.

Ouch. Sometimes at very exhausted-mama moments I ask Finn the same thing, on the verge of tears because I need a break.  I hope he's so tired he won't remember when he wakes up that his mama can be selfish, rude, short-tempered, and annoyed. But my little mirror was watching. 

I had a hard time admitting to myself that I had lost my temper so many times that Finn thought it was a matter of form for babies who don't ho to sleep to be asked exasperated questions in a snotty voice.  But his actions reflected back to me one of the worst parts of myself.  I didn't want to see it, but it's good I did. 

That's why I've said children are the best character building experience ever.  Raising them puts you in situations where you are tested mentally, physically, and spiritually, to the point where your worst self is bound to come out. At the same time, you have constant witnesses that demand you put forward your best self as an example.  As sinners, we don't always rise to the challenge.  We fail and are forced to come face to face with the dark corners of our soul.

When we see our sinful selves in the innocent mirrors of our children, however, we are motivated to change.  We realize we don't have this living with charity thing quite as down pat as we thought we did.  We need the help of grace, because as much as we want our children want to be like us, we must want more to be like Christ.

I must learn from my children how to imitate.  They are becoming like the people they spend the most time with, their parents.  I must spend more time with those I want to imitate, the Blessed Mother, the saints, and, of course, the one whom they spend eternity emulating, Christ.

Today is: the feast of St. Bruno
Finn is: home with Daddy while Mama heads for Chicago and Madison
Gigi is: along for the ride
Mama is still reading: Catherine of Siena