Last week, the day I turned 25, I did something I should have done long ago: I bought jeans from the women's, instead of the juniors, department. (Oh my goodness, they actually fit me.) Now one contributing factor to my not shopping the women's department is that I haven't bought jeans in 6 years (it's basically skirtember year round in these parts), but another is that I also have just as much clothes anxiety as the next person. Will I look fat in that? Frumpy? Gasp, like a Mom?
You see, mom clothes is pretty much the fear of every young vaguely fashion-conscious woman. But it's not just the fear of unattractiveness, it's the fear of growing up that our cult of adolescence fosters. We spend our childhood wanting to be teenagers, and our adulthood trying to recapture the glory days of high school or college. We are so eager to join the youth and beauty brigade, that we miss the joy available at every season of our life.
I am still a young mom of young children. I don't want to waste any of these years wishing I was younger or my children were older. Yes, it can be a difficult when I feel too young to be at home on a Friday night or too tired to change (and wash) two sets of diapers. It can be tempting to revisit all the "wasn't it nice?" and
"won't it be nice?" dreams. But when I am older and my God-only-knows-how-many children are grown, I don't want to look back on this time as one where I always wanted to be a different age.
I think growing old gracefully begins now, with loving where and when I am. It's a habit of mind I want to foster: grounded in gratitude and looking forward in faith. Surely the one that has brought me this far will lead me onward into the future that He has planned. But for today, it is enough to take the day, with all its worries and delights, as not only a gift, but also an irreplaceable, unreapetable opportunity to be the woman God wants me to be right now.
Today is: The feast of St. Linus and the first full day of fall
Finn is: 2 smart for his own good
Gigicakes is: 7 months old
Mama just read: Kristin Lavransdatter by Sigrid Undset
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