Six Things I Wish I Could Tell Myself Six Months Ago

So six months after the birth of my first child, I'm hardly an expert at being a mama.  But I have learned some lessons that hard way.  Here are the things I wish I understood before Finn was born and wish I could remember more often now:

"You have much to learn my young padawan," says Jedi Master Finn

6.All babies are different.
Your baby will probably never fit perfectly into every growth chart, sleeping schedule, temperament index, or milestone marker catalog.  This is ok. Just because another baby slept, ate, acted, or grew a certain way does not mean that your baby is unhealthy for not doing so.  I underwent so much needless worry and distress, because my baby did not always fit into some baby book's theory.  Babies are human beings, not machines.  That is why they do not come with instruction manuals--on purpose-- because they are unique creatures.

5.Do not stress out about parenting advice.
Because of #6, every peice of advice is not necessarily relevant or helpful.  This does not mean, however, that it is ill-meant.  Trying to please everyone is impossible, but getting defensive doesn't solve anything either.  You are not a bad mother for not following another mom's (or grandma's or aunt's or baby book's) advice, but they are not bad people for giving it. 

4.Don't get too used to anything.

Life is messy. Just like sweet potatoes.

Just when you think you understand your baby's schedule or method of operating, something goes crazy.  You want to think you have it under control, "I'm his mother, shouldn't I know what he's going to do or how he will react?"   Babies have a habit of not having habits quite yet, or of seeming to form them only to break them immediately. I have said so often, "This doesn't make sense, he usually .."  I want to tell myself now "Sweetheart, he hasn't been alive long enough to usually anything. You are the one best equipped to deal with this constant changing, because you love him and want him to be happy and healthy, not because you understand it."

3.You will make mistakes.
I remember coming to my husband in tears, crying a great deal more than Finn actually, because I had cut Finn's fingertip while clipping his nails.  "It's ok," he said, "he will forgive you."  Although it only took a few minutes for my husband to be proven right and a few days for the mark to go away, it took a while for me to forgive myself, because I couldn't believe I had let my baby be hurt.  Accidents happen. Accept this, be more careful, and move on.  You cannot life-proof your baby.

2.Be content with your baby as he is now
 I know everyone always says "Enjoy every minute.  It goes so fast."  As an expecting mother, you think, perhaps resentfully, "Of course I will!"  But inevitably, you start looking forward to those exciting milestones of growing up or start looking back wistfully to when he slept all the time.  Just try to absorb it as it comes and delight in every new thing, because they come so quickly and you don't get a chance to relive them.

1.Don't forget your most valuable natural resource as a mother: prayer.
It is so important to remember that there are people that want to help you out as a new mom- your husband, your family, and your friends.  Sometimes, though, it seems like there are things only you can fix and burdens only you can bear. Don't forget the spiritual help that is always there.  For me, it is especially comforting to remember the saints who were also mothers  who can pray for me, most notably the Blessed Mother herself.  Who better to lift you in prayer to our Savior, than His own mother, who personally experienced the sorrows and troubles of motherhood?  So often over the last six months I have become frustrated or impatient first, rather than praying, and have always regretted the results. Something simple, a "Hail Mary" or "Lord, give me patience" can work miracles, even if it only changes your attitude and not the problem.

Today is:  Day of Prayer for the Legal Protection of the Unborn
Finn is: 27 weeks old
Mama is reading: Essays from Signposts in a Strange Land by Walker Percy